Your Story Making Everything Harder
Hey Reader,
Some of the best advice I ever got didn’t sound profound at first:
Ask questions, don’t tell stories.
It hit me years later that this one line rewired how I see myself and everyone I coach.
We’re all walking around with these invisible stories controlling us like puppets:
- The “I missed my shot” story
- The “if they really knew me, they’d leave too” story
- The “I’m falling behind” story
- The “why even try?” story
Maybe you can name your story instantly.
Or maybe it’s still hiding, pulling strings from the shadows.
Either way, my goal is by the end of this newsletter, you’ll not only recognize it, you’ll know exactly how to rewrite it.
Let’s jump in.
Why Stories Stick
Humans passed down information around campfires before we had written language. Every religion captures truth through stories, not spreadsheets.
Think of the last movie you watched. You can’t remember every scene, but you remember the story, what generally happened, how it felt, etc.
That’s your brain doing what it evolved to do.
And here’s the problem:
It’s easier to wrap yourself in BAD stories about your life.
- “This always happens to me”
- “I’m not the kind of person who…”
- “I’m too old / too young / too far behind”
- “It’s way harder for someone like me because…”
Sound familiar?
Here’s what’s really messed up about this: You already know the answers to your biggest problems.
But the story you’re telling yourself is what’s in the way.
Let me show you what I mean.
The “Yeah But” Test
How do you lose weight?
Eat less, move more.
How do you get ahead in business?
Solve problems people will pay for.
How do you find a relationship?
Put yourself out there.
Now I want you to notice something…
When I gave you those “simple” solutions, did any part of you want to roll your eyes and close this email?
Maybe you even started mentally typing a response: “YEAH BUT… It’s not that simple because…”
Or: “in my situation, I’ve tried…”
And here’s the thing:
Those solutions I gave you? They’re actually correct.
Your story is what’s making them feel impossible.
None of us are immune to this, myself included.
The Story That Almost Ruined Me
I can still remember the chalk trembling in my hand as I stood frozen at the board.
Behind me, kids snickered while I stared blankly at “11×7” like it was quantum physics.
Spoiler: it’s 77.
I wrote 79.
And just like that, my eight-year-old brain downloaded a new core belief: “I suck at math.”
This wasn’t just a passing thought. It was a story. And it stuck.
For years, that moment shaped my decisions:
- I avoided numbers
- Chose the “creative” path
- Nearly failed out of college
All because of one embarrassing moment with multiplication tables.
It was only decades later, after I had started my first business, that I realized numbers are just… data. And once numbers meant something to me related to money… they started making sense. They don’t have emotions. They’re just ones and zeros.
Turns out, I love math. At least the kind with business involved.
The story wasn’t true. It never was.
If you want to become the 2.0 version of yourself, you have to ask questions, not tell stories.
Now that you’re ready to take control of your narrative, you need to understand what kind of story you’re telling…
Two Types of Stories You Tell
Psychologist Dan McAdams says there are two types of stories running your life:
- Contamination stories — where everything went wrong and stayed wrong.
- Commitment stories — things didn’t go as planned, but you used it to grow.
Most people default to contamination:
- “That breakup ruined me.”
- “I had something good until I screwed it up.”
- “I did something bad in my teens and now I’m a bad person.”
People who actually get somewhere tell commitment stories:
- “Damn, that hurt… but I used it.”
- “That was the moment I snapped.”
- “I used that failure as fuel.”
I hear you thinking: “But Clark, this thing DID happen to me.”
You’re right—and that’s exactly why it’s called inner work. It’s challenging.
No one’s minimizing your hardship or trauma. There’s definitely a time to process painful experiences, but suppressing them creates its own damage.
Nor am I advocating a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality. Life is unfair. People definitely don’t get dealt an even set of cards.
But you can’t set up camp there either.
On the other extreme: I see too many people trapped in what I call “Self-Healing Hell”—where their entire identity becomes about workshops, retreats, and endless healing.
Their new story: “I’m fundamentally broken and need fixing.”
We’ve (thankfully) moved past the “suck it up and hustle harder” mindset that dominated the 2010s… but I think we’ve overcorrected.
You open tiktok and now everything’s a diagnosis.
Every emotion has a label.
Every quirk a condition.
Every disagreement a red flag.
Every bad day a trauma response.
We’ve pathologized being human.
And underneath it all? More contamination stories.
Here’s the good news social media rarely tells you:
You’re not broken.
The core of who you are remains intact.
Breaking the Loop
You don’t have to fix every story. Just notice the moment you’re inside one.
When you catch yourself saying “I can’t because…” or “This always happens to me,” pause and ask: “What’s the real question underneath this story?”
Stories are statements. Questions are openings.
When you say “I suck at math,” you’re making a declaration. It’s done. Fixed. Over.
When you ask “What context would make numbers feel different?” you just cracked a door open.
The story version: “This always happens to me.”
The question version: “What pattern am I not seeing yet?”
The story version: “I’m too far behind.”
The question version: “What would the next right step be?”
You don’t have to answer perfectly. Just notice when you’re in statement mode and flip to question mode.
That one move changes everything, because stories keep you stuck and questions set you free.
Here’s the real truth I’ve learned: The story isn’t about what happened. It’s about what you decided it meant.
And you can change that meaning anytime you want.
Life Log
What I’m watching
Pluribus
The new show by Vince Gilligan (same guy who made Breaking Bad). I’m a sucker for anything apocalyptic sci-fi. Apple TV has done it again!
What I’m listening to
I GET WET – Andrew W.K.
Felt a wave of nostalgia this week and had to run it back. Remembering the nights I spent nights behind a drum kit on tour, sweating through two shirts and playing like the world’s ending, and we’ve got five minutes left. This album always brings me right back to that version of me: loud, messy, and alive.
See you next saturday,
CK
