You run out of energy when you run out of future
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Hey Reader,
The day I hit a million YouTube subscribers should’ve been the best day of my life.
It wasn’t.
What happened next almost destroyed everything I’d built. And the lesson I’ll share with you will be the difference between spinning your wheels in 2026 and actually breaking through.
So for today’s newsletter, I’m going to tell you the raw version of this story. The part nobody posts about.
Here’s what really happened:
10 years ago I hit rock bottom.
Despite following all the ‘rules’ of working hard, going to college, believing in yourself… I found myself 30 grand in debt, freshly dumped, and I had just lost my job, the only source of income I had.
At my lowest point, I had to suck up my pride and move back into my mom’s basement.
When you’re at rock bottom, you have two choices: expand or contract.
I chose to expand.
I set an impossible goal: get a million YouTube subscribers.
At the time, I had maybe a few hundred people watching. The goal was delusional. But I could see it clearly, like watching a movie of my future: the award showing up, the congratulations calls, the proof I’d actually made something of myself.
That vision became everything.
So I became obsessed.
I was a one-man show. Editing, filming, recording, posting, learning, creating all of it. Seven days a week. Birthdays, Christmas, didn’t matter. I was working. Producing hundreds of videos, sometimes five in a single week.
You might think that sounds miserable. It wasn’t. It felt like purpose.
I’d explain it like this: we just got a second dog, a German Shepherd, and without a purpose she loses her mind… chewing furniture, destroying things, and sh*tting on your rug. In dog training, they teach you that the most important thing is giving your dog direction. Without it, they get bored and lost.
People are the same way.
That YouTube goal gave me direction when I had none.
June 13, 2022.
I’m sitting at my desk glued to YouTube Studio like a hawk.
900,996 subscribers. Then 998. 999.
One more refresh.
One million.
My body starts vibrating. My fiancée’s screaming. There’s confetti. My phone’s exploding with texts. My family is FaceTiming me.
It was everything I’d imagined in that basement that was actually happening.
A month later, the gold play button shows up. Heavy. My name engraved on it.
I held it in my hands and thought: “Holy sh*t… I actually did it!”
But here’s what I didn’t expect.
The next morning, my alarm goes off at 5 a.m.
I walk into the same office. Same desk. Same to-do list.
No angels singing. No internal voice saying “congrats, you’ve made it, go relax.”
Just… now what?
And that question got louder every single day.
Think about something you’ve chased for years… some massive goal, your biggest dream.
If you got it tomorrow, then what?
If your brain goes blank, you’re starting to understand the void I’m talking about.
“Just set a new goal,” you might say. But here’s the thing: the next number doesn’t hit the same. Going from zero to one million is life-changing. Going from one to two is just… more. The illusion’s broken. You already know how it’s going to feel.
For the first time in ten years, I felt lost.
Hitting a million subscribers planted this weird belief in my head that I was now a brand instead of a person. And there’s truth to that, people do treat you differently online. They’re not as forgiving or root for you as hard when you’re no longer an underdog. But what it meant for my content was I started creating things to avoid getting attacked instead of having something real to say.
Content started having all this pressure behind it that sucked the fun out of creating.
Around this time, I was juggling three full-time jobs: coaching, creating content, and leading a team. I tried to offload some of it by entering what turned out to be a spectacularly bad business partnership. Losing over 100 grand and burning out harder in the process.
Eventually, I had to shut down my business just to breathe.
And instead of facing what was actually wrong, I did what we all do when we’re lost… I escaped. Video games. Betting on sports. Almost ruined my relationship because I wasn’t exactly fun to be around.
Then I’m on a call with my accountant. She shares her screen.
“So you’re down about 80 grand this year.”
Gut punch.
Mind you, I’m still making YouTube videos this whole time. For free. Because I’m not selling anything.
And the worst part? I knew exactly what to do to fix it. I just didn’t have the drive.
And that scared me more than any number.
Look, I’m not saying these are the world’s worst problems. But emotional truth doesn’t care about your bank account. Everyone hits a season where the thing that used to drive them stops working. And if you’ve ever caught yourself numbing out when you know you’re capable of more, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Whenever I’m stuck like this, I go back to my old journal entries looking for patterns.
And the pattern I found scared the sh*t out of me.
I was writing about the same problems for years!
Literally the same stuckness. Same lack of motivation. Same pressure. Over and over, like a broken record, I couldn’t hear while I was playing it.
The breakthrough came when I realized this pattern.
Up until then, I’d been trying to solve this tactically:
”Maybe If I rebrand everything…”
“Maybe the algorithm changed…”
“Maybe I just need to grind harder…”
“Maybe I already peaked…”
It wasn’t any of that.
It was something deeper. Something I’d built my entire life around without ever questioning.
And when I finally saw it, everything clicked:
You run out of energy when you run out of future.
You see, every breakthrough I’ve ever had came from one thing:
Having a strong vision.
The gold play button? I saw it years before I held it.
My coaching program? I sketched the entire framework in two hours because I had the clearest vision I’d ever had. Within 18 months it became the biggest thing I’d ever built.
Even back when I was drumming, I went to Warped Tour, saw bands on stage, and thought I want to do that. Went home and posted drum covers for eight years straight hoping a band would notice. Finally one did and picked me up to go on tour. Suddenly, I found myself playing to 30,000 people on Warped Tour Atlantic City.
That showed me something: vision produces energy. Not the other way around.
You don’t need energy to get a vision. You get energy by having a vision.
Think about people stuck in a breakup. If they can’t see a future beyond the pain, of course they have no energy. But the second they start believing in themselves again? Suddenly, they’re hitting the gym. Building themselves up. Pulling their life together.
The energy came from the future they could finally see.
Maybe you’re in your basement moment right now. Feeling like you don’t have the energy to pull yourself out.
Ultimately, this all comes down to one question: Do you believe your best days are ahead of you or behind you?
If you think they’re behind you, that’s a terrifying place to live. I’ve been there. Throughout this whole story there were moments where I was trying to recreate what I’d already done instead of building something new. Running on old visions I’d already completed.
Of course I had no energy… I’d already lived that vision!
I’m telling you this now because I’m on the other side of it. I can feel that pull again. The future I’m building toward. I’m working on some of the biggest things I’ve ever created for 2026, and I’m more excited to share them with you than I’ve been in years.
But I had to get the vision clear first.
You will always run out of energy when the vision isn’t there. Because you’ve run out of future to move toward.
So here’s what I’m asking you: what’s your vision right now?
What future are you building toward that actually pulls you forward instead of just grinding and hoping something clicks?
If you don’t have an answer, that’s okay. But you need to find one. Because without it, you’re like my German Shepherd I mentioned earlier, chewing the couch because you don’t have direction.
Your best days are ahead of you. But only if you can see them clearly enough to move toward them.
Let’s build your future.
See you next saturday,
CK
