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Welcome to Refusing to Settle! My weekly newsletter where life-changing frameworks and uncomfortable truths collide to build the 2.0 You.
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What’s on deck today:
- how 30 bananas a day nearly killed me
- the “H.A.L.T.” framework
- the hobby you shouldn’t monetize
- why you are what you consume (digitally speaking)
Ever learn something and immediately think, “dude, where was this advice 10 years ago?”
Yeah, me too.
Constantly.
There should be a warning label for some life lessons: “You’ll only learn this the hard way… after a decade of doing the opposite.”
I’ve been thinking about this lately because I keep catching myself giving advice online that I wish someone had slapped me with earlier.
Not the obvious stuff everyone knows but ignores.
The subtle patterns that take years to see.
So here are 6 raw lessons I learned way too late.
Extreme advice sounds best in the short term, but works worst in the long term
Social media LOVES extremes.
- Make a million in 12 months.
- Get jacked in 90 days.
- Go monk mode and shut out the world.
Algorithms reward hot takes and dramatic transformations. And that’s never going to change.
So here’s the advice they don’t tell you:
extreme advice sounds best in the short term, but works worst in the long term.
I write this as someone who LOVES extremes. There’s something seductive about all-or-nothing thinking. It makes you feel like you’re in control when everything else is chaos.
Yet as I reflect on my own life, extremes rarely work.
At 19, I found raw veganism on YouTube and convinced myself that eating 30 bananas a day was the key to enlightenment. Yes, THIRTY.
I was in college and the dining hall only let you take two pieces of fruit out. So naturally, I recruited my entire floor like I’m running some kind of banana cartel.
Before you know it, my dorm looked like Donkey Kong’s wet dream.
I had a PILE of bananas that was two feet tall in the corner. My roommate couldn’t even open the door fully. The smell was… ripe.
Then the fruit flies arrived.
Not like a few fruit flies. I’m talking biblical plague levels. Thousands of these tiny terrorists buzzing around our faces at night.
It got so bad my roommate started sleeping in the lounge.
You know what happens when you’re committed to an extreme? You double down. Even when your body is literally rejecting your life choices, you convince yourself it’s just “detox symptoms.”
So when the school paper wanted to do a feature on healthy student lifestyles, naturally, I volunteered. Because nothing says “peak wellness” like a guy surrounded by rotting fruit and a cloud of insects.
If that’s not the spitting image of health, I don’t know what is
I’m basically passing out from dizziness due to wild blood sugar levels in my organic chemistry class, but I was convinced I’d unlocked some ancient health secret that Big Pharma didn’t want me to know.
Spoiler alert: I hadn’t.
I think my raw veganism lasted a week before I finally caved and ate a damn steak.
Extremes are fun until they’re not. And apparently, they’re also excellent content for your college newspaper.
The middle path wins. Always has.
Buddha figured this out 2,500 years ago, but apparently I needed to learn it through banana-induced delirium and a very embarrassing photo shoot.
The big lesson:
The truth is usually boring and sits right in the middle.
Done is better than perfect, because perfect is never done
When I started YouTube, I was obsessed with the wrong things: lighting, cameras, and keywords.
I spent more time researching equipment than actually filming videos.
Know what happened when I finally said “screw it” and just hit record with my old GoPro? Everything clicked. My most viral videos? The ones I thought absolutely bombed. The ones I almost didn’t upload.
Your brain tricks you into thinking you need better ideas when you really just need more reps.
Some of my BEST performing pieces of content with millions of views? I remember saying to Dani “that thing’s not gonna be any good. But hey, at least I showed up.”
Volume beats perfection every single time. The quality you’re seeking will only develop through quantity.
Start ugly. Ship scared. Improve publicly.
Your brain lies when you’re tired, hungry, or lonely
Picked this one up from the sober community:
H.A.L.T.
H – Hungry
A – Angry
L – Lonely
T – Tired
These are the four trigger states where you’re most vulnerable to having a slip-up. Addict or not, these are true for all of us.
Your brain is basically a toddler when you’re running on empty. It throws tantrums and makes everything seem like the end of the world. But we treat these moments like they’re giving us profound insights about our lives.
We’re Betty White in the Snickers commercial.
Think about it.
Does existential dread and imposter syndrome hit you when you’re surrounded by people you love, well-fed and well-rested on a weekend? NO.
It hits you Sunday evening when you’re nursing a hangover and have the whole week ahead of you. There’s even a name for that: “sunday scaries.”
I lived that most Sunday nights in my 20s, thinking there was something fundamentally wrong with me. But really, it was just HALT in action.
And I learned that so many of your problems can be solved with a good meal, a long walk, sunlight, and eight hours of sleep.
If you think of your mood on a scale of 1-10, don’t try to solve your problems when you’re anything less than a five.
Sometimes you need to change your state, not your strategy.
You don’t need to monetize every hobby
I don’t know who needs to hear this…
not everything has to be turned into a business.
Social media makes you think every passion should become your profit center, otherwise, you’re doing it wrong.
- Love cooking? Start a food Instagram!
- Enjoy design? Sell prints on Etsy!
- Photography? Shoot weddings!
And if that’s your goal, cool. I’m literal proof that you can turn hobbies into a successful career.
But as soon as you monetize something, know that it will change your relationship with it completely.
I saw this constantly in my pro drumming days.
Amazingly talented musicians who ended up falling out of love with music because the touring and business side burnt them out. They started resenting their hit songs. They felt like a product for a business, not an artist.
On a similar note, I had a client who was making $150K as a software engineer. He asked me how to quit and focus on photography full-time. After talking for twenty minutes, he realized he didn’t WANT to quit his job, he just felt like he should. I explained how he could easily keep the stable income and do as much photography as he wants, risk-free, without the pressure of making money from it.
Me? Somewhere in 2024 I realized I had gotten really… boring.
Everything I did was about work. Had been for the past decade. I rarely did things just out of enjoyment. I was working with a coach and he recommended I make a list of 100 things that sounded fun. So I did… and I this year just started checking them off.
It led me to improv comedy, acting classes, ambient music production… and pigeons. I’m weirdly into urban gardening now. Try and do some Jiu-jitsu when my back cooperates.
None of it is “productive.” None of it makes me money. All of it makes me human.
Some things are just for joy. Protect them.
You are what you scroll
“You are what you eat” makes sense. We understand nutrition affects our bodies.
But in 2025? You are what you scroll. And that shapes your personality, opinions, and values more than you think.
No one’s immune to influence.
I repeat, NO ONE.
Not you, not me, not anyone.
I’ve watched this happen to myself in real time. Teen years listening to emo music non-stop? I felt sad constantly and wanted something to complain about. College years deep in hardcore music communities? I felt angry all the time. Even in 2023-2024 when I was diving deep into therapy and heavy psychology daily. I noticed life felt heavy and over-analytical.
You can see this in internet subcultures everywhere. Red pill guys, girlbossing, debate bros, spiritual baddies. People literally morph into their feeds.
Audit what you consume.
After scrolling for 20 minutes, ask yourself: How do I feel right now?
If the answer isn’t “better” or at least “neutral,” it’s time to unfollow.
Connection happens on the rough edges
I used to try and script my videos word for word. It sucked the soul from them. Now I speak from the heart and aim for connection. People constantly tell me they feel like they’re just hanging out with a friend.
The videos that I get messages about all the time…
The ones that brought in clients not just views…
They were the ones about real shit.
- Quitting drinking
- Overcoming post-breakup depression
- Shadow work and inner healing
And beyond just the topic, it was the message.
“Dude when you shared your story about being 30k in debt in mom’s basement…”
“Dude when you shared how you couldn’t get over an ex…”
“Dude when you ate those 30 bananas…” (lol)
The stuff you’re embarrassed about? That’s exactly what makes people feel connected to you.
So the lesson I learned too late in life? Open up sooner. Not in a “i have no personal space or boundaries” type of way. Not because you’re trying to get attention. But because you’re human. And it’s okay to not have to have it all together all the time.
Perfect is safe and boring. Rough edges are where real connection lives.
Updates
My Best Journal 2.0
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YouTube Content
- Latest: Book Breakdown: The Courage to Be Disliked
- Previous: These 4 Journal Questions allow you to COACH YOURSELF
What I’m Reading
The Bitcoin Standard — Less about crypto, more about how money/economics actually works. I’ve been in this space since 2017 and I personally think we’re witnessing something historic.
See you next Saturday,
CK
P.S. Made it this far? Hit reply and tell me which lesson hit hardest. I’m turning this into a YouTube video and want to lead with whatever resonates most. 🤝
