Delusional self-confidence
Hey Reader,
Ask 100 people “what makes someone more attractive, respected, and successful”
99 are gonna put one thing at the top of that list:
Confidence.
But what if confidence isn’t what 99% of people think it is?
The loud voice/charisma/loose body language. Sure, tactics help. But if you don’t fix why you don’t feel confident on the inside, it’s just a performance.
Take the most common advice out there: “fake it till you make it.”
In my experience, that’s fake it till you break it.
Because even if you nail the appearance of confidence, the imposter syndrome grows right along with it.
And the insane thing is no one ever stops and asks why self-doubt is there in the first place.
Here’s the reframe that changed my life.
It’s literally IN the word.
Confidence comes from Latin.
It’s a mashup of two words:
- CON — meaning “with” or “completely”
- FIDERE — meaning “to trust”
Confidence literally means self-trust.
It DOESN’T mean having everything figured out or winning over the room with your aura.
Just self-trust.
Which means the real question isn’t “how do I appear more confident?”
It’s “why don’t I trust myself?”
And that question has a way better answer.
For most of us it’s one of two things.
Either we keep breaking trust with ourselves, or we’ve never collected the evidence to trust ourselves in the first place.
I know the first one well.
When I quit drinking 1,500 days ago, the real benefit wasn’t health-related. Sure, my face got a little less bloated, and I slept better. But the biggest benefit was I could finally trust myself to follow through on what I said I was going to do. I stopped sabotaging my self-trust nightly.
The second. There’s a great saying that goes:
If you lack confidence, build evidence.
Remember learning how to drive? You questioned every single decision. Now you can do it half asleep, slamming a white monster in one hand and finding your spotify playlist in the other. You don’t doubt your skills because you’ve done it so many times and have evidence you’re a driver.
The problem is most of us are running on old evidence.
We got a few stories from the past about why we’re “not the type of person who ___.” I’ve written before about how most people run on 3-5 core stories and this is where they do their damage.
To take a line from James Clear:
“Every action casts a vote for the person you want to become.”
The way out is collecting new evidence until the old stuff gets outvoted.
Here’s how to start voting:
1. Stop sabotaging trust
Quit the bad habits that overstayed their welcome. Follow through on the goals you said mattered. Keep your word to yourself. Stop letting yourself off the hook.
(Note: This doesn’t mean being perfect or living up to some idealized version of you that can’t exist. It just means asking, are my actions actually lined up with my values? That’s probably its own newsletter down the road, but start there).
2. Start building evidence
This works for big stuff and small stuff.
Small: keep a running list of wins on your phone. Made the bed. Read ten pages. Didn’t hit snooze. Worked 40 hours. Start giving yourself more credit for everything you already do.
Big: Finally starting the goal that’s been sitting on your list.
Back in the early days of building my YouTube channel, every video I filmed became evidence I was someone who follows through. And that turned into this momentum flywheel that bled into every other part of my life. Dating, mood, confidence, all of it.
So pick one area and ask yourself what evidence you’d need to collect to become that version of you.
Remember that self-trust is a byproduct of evidence. And confidence is a byproduct of self-trust.
Because when you actually trust yourself, you stop performing for everyone else’s approval. And a lack of approval seeking is literally what reads as confidence from the outside.
So here’s what I’d sit with this week, Reader:
What evidence do I need to start collecting that would allow me to fully trust myself?
One-liner I’m saying
“Don’t get so sucked into ‘how to’ you forget to DO.”
Me
My latest video
Tried a different topic with this one. These are my favorite 5 finance books that had the biggest impact on my money.
After I Read 40 Books on Money, Here’s What Will Make You Rich
Updates
Got two whiteboard videos filmed and ready for you. One on self-sabotage this Monday and the other on this newsletter.
Here’s a look behind the scenes from the other week:
Also working on a brand new separate channel I’m launching. Been wanting to do this for a while and decided to go for it.
Any guesses? 🤫
See you saturday,
CK
